O_O

It's unusual that I can remember a dream so well. I sort of forgot the ending though.

Myself and several friends who I can't remember enough to identify were heading into school for a flute lesson. Mr. Pugh was to instruct us. We were there first, however, so my friends decided to play a few pranks on him. I didn't want to take part, but they managed to force me into it. We disabled the doorbell, glued the lock closed, and took off the street number of the place we were being taught (which was no longer school). The street number was the Ace of Spades.

He arrived shortly after that, and didn't seem to have been phased by our tricks at all. And he was suddenly hardcore. School was over, so he was able to dress how he wanted - he had his hair cut almost to the point of balding, had no shirt, and a kilt with knives strapped to it on. He looked like some sort of Scottish warrior. He then began out instruction. It was 1 on 1, so while my friend(s)? were being instructed, I was free tp explore the complex. It seemed that he'd placed a few traps of his own. Floating sniper rifles that fired automatically when they saw me (I was flying around), traps from which I would never be able to escape if I let them have me. I then saw a group of people - perhaps 50, in the distance. I somehow knew that they were the same as Mr Pugh. I went back inside. Mr. Pugh was gone, the class (for now there were many of us) was on a break. That's when strange things started happening. A cavity formed within one of the walls, and tentacles burst forth. We had to act as a hivemind in order to pull them from the hole and kill them. Once they were all dead, I examined t hem. One of the tentacles was actually a pair of headphones - iPhone headphones. I decided that I would use them, since mine were getting a little worn in a few places. However, to my creeping horror, I discovered that these headphones had the exact same signs of wear. I pulled my own headphones out - they were identical in every way, to the tiniest details. They were just similar - they were the same. Something very strange was going on. I left the complex, then. I went home, and my parents immediately knew something was wrong. I appeared traumatized. I explained what had happened, and while concerned, they offered effectively no help. I returned the complex to face Mr. Pugh. This time, for some reason, I had a great number of people with me. We made up about 50. I tried logging onto the school's portal to somehow contact Mr. Pugh, but it was now some sort of Mission interface. I turned it off. Our group was waiting in a shipping container, and it was very cramped. I had one of the sniper rifles that was floating in the air as a trap, and when I saw that group of strange people in the distance again, I knew simultaneously that they were like Mr. Pugh, and that they weren't human. So I brought the rifle to bear and began to attack. Once I fired the first shot, they all began to walk towards the shipping container. I managed to kill perhaps 40 of them. One, I somehow knew it was their commander, refused to die. I put bullet after bullet into his head, but he seemed immortal. He lifted the container with one hand, and shook it out. He laughed, saying something about how many "normal people" had actually come to THEM today. One of his cohorts laughed, saying "A normal person is good too." I was on the edge of the pile of people that he had created. They both walked off, soon to return, and I got up to escape. I tried logging in to the school's portal, but I found that it had been replaced by some kind of mission interface, with Mr. Pugh featuring as some kind of adversary. I went to return to the group of people, but found everyone had been killed, brutally. Including myself, for I was no longer seemingly in my body. The commander was there, and he offered me a place amongst them, through an interface that looked suspiciously like a DS emulator. It seemed that they were an organization, somewhere between Shibuya's reapers and Organization XIII, that aimed to keep the human population of that city down. I joined them, for I had no other way to get my revenge on Mr. Pugh for killing all those people I was with. As part of my missions, I had to collect hearts from people - only certain people though, people the reapers refered to as "Normal People". I did my task, and tried to ignore the sounds of screaming that I brought from the "normal people" before they died and released their hearts. My headphones grew more and more worn as time went on, and still they didn't pair me with Mr. Pugh. I had begun to lose hope when I woke up.

しょうたい - Natural Shape, One's True Colours, Senses

[10/11/09 13:22:26 ] Ambivalence (8) : i wonder if she's synaesthetic...
[10/11/09 13:22:29 ] Ambivalence (8) : forgot how to spell OTL
[10/11/09 13:22:36 ] Ambivalence (8) : "For color: Monday is yellow, Tuesday is red, Wednesday is blue, Thursday is green, Friday is gold, Saturday is brown, and Sunday is white."
[10/11/09 13:23:21 ] Mptp (st) : huh?
[10/11/09 13:23:49 ] Ambivalence (8) : err
[10/11/09 13:23:54 ] Ambivalence (8) : associates colours with stuff
[10/11/09 13:24:04 ] Ambivalence (8) : like
[10/11/09 13:24:09 ] Ambivalence (8) : 'ohai, monday is a yellow day'
[10/11/09 13:24:14 ] Ambivalence (8) : and bob is a purple name
[10/11/09 13:24:15 ] Ambivalence (8) : etc
[10/11/09 13:24:28 ] Mptp (st) : I see
[10/11/09 13:24:30 ] Mptp (st) : wait
[10/11/09 13:24:33 ] Mptp (st) : that's a condition?
[10/11/09 13:24:37 ] Mptp (st) : I thought everyone did that O_O
[10/11/09 13:24:38 ] Ambivalence (8) : errr
[10/11/09 13:24:42 ] Ambivalence (8) : ........... /swt
[10/11/09 13:24:46 ] Mptp (st) : ........//swt

Well today was an interesting day.

Turns out, I'm a grapheme-colour synesthist - an associator.
A synethist is one who experiences involuntary sensory responses to certain triggers.

In my case, letters, numbers, names and people have, in my mind, an inherent, and very specific colour. I thought that everyone experienced this, since it seemed so natural to me, but it turns out that that's not the case.

I remember, about 3 years ago, I mentioned to several of my friends that I could see the colour of people's "auras" - that was me misinterpreting the fact that I was simply involuntarily seeing the colour which my mind linked with their personality.

It might be worth mentioning that someone's name and their colour aren't necessarily the same thing. For example, I told Alden that his name "Alden" is pale yellow with a little bit of blue - perhaps a very pale cyan. But his personality is perhaps silver and navy.

Also, the colour of a name seems to have some relation to the colours of the letters it is made up of. A is very, very pale yellow, almost white. L is a pale green. D is a more browny-yellow colour, but not too dark. E is greeny-yellow, and N is a dark, rich green. The name of Alden is, as I said, very pale yellow with a little bit of blue - so a pale, yellowish cyan.

So there you go - rather interesting. Not useful in any way, but still quite interesting.

たんごへん

I just remembered something I used to think of when I was young - perhaps 8 or 9.
I used to think of my vocabulary as a collection. As I learned new words, my collection expanded. I think I used to seek a sense of completion - a point where I knew enough words and I would be satisfied.

It used to be really fun, learning new words.

まだまだゆめ

My family and I were going on a holiday to a large city, I believe in London. The small motel we arrived in was quite poor, and we arrived at night. I stepped over a sleeping child and had some difficulty finding our room, which was also small. I took a single bed, with my sisters doing the same and my parents taking a double bed in the corner. The view from my window was poor, as it looked onto the outskirts of the city, but I could see a Lamborghini, so I wasn’t entirely put-out. A bit later, the rest of my family went out, and I noticed that above our room, somehow within earshot, were two engineers trying to orient what looked like a large pair of dice, suspended by steel cables. They were arguing about how they needed someone just under 18. After listening for a while, I called up to them that I was 17 and 4 months. Eager, they called me up. My clothes got very dusty on the walk up the stairs, and I finally helped them – they identified a problem and thanked me for my time. They wanted to eat me though, so I left in a hurry. There were people being trained in the art of engineering in a clean classroom in an adjescant room to their worksite, in contrast to the noisy, dusty site that I was in. I left and went back down to my room. I asked at reception if they had any Zippo lighters to buy, but they did not.
Somehow, I found myself needing to teach my cadets something about Japanese. They were being particularly unruly, so I was able to equip a laser beam that took about 5 seconds to charge under direct sunlight, and could not charge anywhere else. The beam lasted long enough to kill one cadet, and main another, if only aimed at one at a time. I began vaporising the more unruly cadets, and the rest mostly fell into place. I was watching Ms. Asai teach her lesson, and when she was finished, I began to teach my own. It went poorly however, and I was not in direct sunlight, so I could not use my laser.
Then the dream sort of fizzled out, and I woke up.

へんゆめ

I wrote this the day after I had it, so it doesn't make a whole lot of sense. *shrugs*

We were at Cadet Camp.
I was at HQ, as I normally am, when one of my senior rank suddenly jumped up and brandished a knife. Everyone else thought it was a joke, but only I could see his eyes – they were solid black. The irises, whites, pupils, everything. He went at one of the guys around the fire, and I knew that he meant to kill him. I managed to grab his knife arm and make him drop the knife, but he began to attack me with his bare hands. Fueled by adrenaline, I finally managed to lock his arms behind his back. Silent, but furious and deadly, he fought me. I could think of nothing to do to calm him down – he wasn’t acting himself. Finally, in desperation, I spoke some words softly but forcefully to him – words that I didn’t know the meaning of, and he returned to normal. He relaxed in my arms, and was confused – he had no recollection of what had happened. After a bit of questioning, I discovered that he had been bitten by a very unusual spider. We soon learned that there was a nest of these spiders nearby. I called all of the cadets up onto the road using a fire drill – I needed them to hurry, and it was an emergency. I had one of the spiders dead in my hand, I asked if anyone had seen a spider like it. A few hands went up. One cadet said that he had been bitten by a spider like that. The cadets were wondering what was going on, and beginning to think that it was a waste of time. I had the cadet who had been bitten come up to the front. I had him turn around, with his back to me, and I locked his arms, like I had done for the first rank who had been affected. At first, everyone was confused, including the cadet who I grabbed, but he, after several seconds, grew silent, and the cadets watched, horrified, as his eyes turned black and he began to violently fight my grip. I told the cadets, as he struggled in my arms, what was happening, and finally spoke the words which I somehow could recite at will, but didn’t know myself what they were. I couldn’t have recounted them then, and I couldn’t recount them now. After the fuss had died down, four other cadets came up and said that they had been bitten. I had my rank bind them in much the same way I had, and we waited for them to turn. Before long, they did, and I spoke the words.
Suddenly, we saw a black carpet coming towards us from over the crest of a nearby hill. It was the spiders, millions of them. The staff were nowhere to be found. There were screams coming from the campsite, and I knew, somehow, that someone who was killed by an infected person would become infected themselves. I knew that it was too late for the platoon, and I took those who were still safe into the bus and began to drive it away.
The spiders were faster, however, and they began to catch up. They seeped in through the walls. I had someone else drive as I fought the ones who I had saved as they were bitten. But as I saved one, he would be bitten by three more of the spiders. Somehow, they were avoiding me. I looked back, and the one who I had driving – my best friend on the camp, had been bitten too, and he was advancing upon me with a knife. There was no one driving, and the bus careened over the side of a cliff. As it tumbled through the air, I despaired, for everyone on the camp was lost, and I was doomed to die by the hands of those I had attempted to save. And, as the bus reached the apex of its flight, and began to head towards the ground, I awoke.

ZEN

Jeez.
I really don't know what to do with myself.
First a games designer, then an electrical engineer, and now a graphics designer.
I mean, I'd already planned on doing web-design in my spare time, but I've been reading, much like how I was reading about electronics.

From years 0-15 of my life, I knew nothing.
Year 16, I knew next to nothing.
Year 16.5, I knew enough to know what it is that I knew a little about.
Year 16.6, I knew enough to think that I knew something.
Year 17, I knew enough to think that I knew lots.
Year 17.137, I know enough to realise that I don't know anything at all, and it makes me really excited. I want to learn stuff, learn more, get inspiration, create, revise, rethink, redo, scrunch up, smooth out, rip out, go away, learn something else, get an idea, decide that it sucks, but spend an hour working on it anyway. But I don't have time, right now, since I'm busy with school.

But now I don't know what I want to do. I don't think I'll do graphics design at uni - I have no intention of being anything other than a freelance designer, and I don't need a fancy degree for that.

The question is now do I want to become an electrical engineer? I've lost interest in games design, and I'm not too sure about this electronics stuff. I think it's more of a hobby.

So...what? Do I just skip uni and spend four years developing my graphics skills, then? What happens in 10 years time when computers can generate beautiful, functional designs in seconds, and humans become redundant?
In fact, how do I know that anything I do won't become like that in a decade or two? We live in exponential times, and I get the feeling that whatever we do now will seem ineffectual in about a decade, once we're really established in our chosen industries. So, should we just pretend like that isn't going to happen, but be ready for it when it does? Get prepared to stop writing code, and start writing poetry, or will machines be able to do that. Will a piece of software be developed that can analyse every piece of music ever written, and write a complete Symphony in the style of Beethoven, or create a heavy metal song based on Rachmaninoff's piano concertos?
I have a nasty feeling that everything is going to go pear-shaped in the future. How are we to know how much automation is too much? How long until we become completely unnecessary?

Hehe...I went off topic. My blog, my topics.

Anyway, I guess my immediate concern is trying to balance schoolwork and web design. I need to get this site done by November, and I work sloooow.


Oh, and I discovered what a useful resource twitter is.

あがない - Atonement, Compensation

Did I say 'permanent'?
It's very strange. I came here to post in my own blog, but I was temporarily sidetracked and read Yang's blog first. I then had a look at my own blog. It occurred to me that I never bother to put any effort into the writing that I do here.
Partially because there is no place for artistic expression here. That isn't why I have this blog.
In my last post, I mentioned that a part of me wanted to return the way I was. Now I wonder what the hell had gotten into me. I was HAPPY.
Something that I've often thought about, but never written anything on, is the concept of multiple personalities.
Not the typical sort that are present in fiction - the comedic character that has an alter ego. Not, even, the more realistic sort that is possessed by an unfortunate few, the sort that I fear I am all to familiar with.

No, this is the sort that I believe everyone has. I've been thinking about them for many years, developing my opinions on them.
Now, I'm beyond what I was when I wrote that post, and beyond, too, myself from several months ago. It was after a stressful time - the first term of year 12. The two week break had proven to be a godsend.
I first had the thought (for I remember it well), when I was on a bus. It was on the way back from Labertouche, almost three years ago. The place no longer exists, burnt into oblivion by the fires of Black Saturday, but it continues in people's memories.
I was listening to music. This particular song was one that I'd listened to on repeat for approximately a week, several months before that bus ride.
Listening to that song revived, completely, the feelings I had that week.
It was not an exceptional week, no different to any other. And yet, the feelings that I had rekindled were completely foreign to the ones that I had at that moment. Nothing had changed for me, save for the passage of a few short months.
Now, school has started back up again. Somehow, it's different this time. I'm not sure if this term is more stressful than the last by a great margin, or if it is I who are less able to deal with this stress.
It was then that the thought occurred to me. I was not the same person on that bus as I was several months ago. Nothing but the passage of time had caused this. I then thought back to other songs, other pieces of music that I had 'bonded' to certain times, and certain emotions. These too, brought to the surface versions of myself that no longer existed. I, as an entity, continued, but these...phases, of me, had long died, only to be revived through song.

But, there were many others, other existences of myself, that had not had a song bounded to them. I found myself, at that time, feeling what could almost be called grief, for those lost versions of myself. I knew that I was still alive, but I had died, many times over.
Just as I shall die, soon, to be replaced by another me. I'm not sure. I was so...sad is the wrong word. Perhaps...empty? Back then. For the past couple of years, I mean.
Inevitably, I found myself thinking on my own existence, at that time. If the past me's had died, then surely I would too, soon perish. I wasn't overly worried. I felt a strange sense of brotherhood between the other me's and myself, and I trusted that any future me's would guide me well. But even still, I was slightly apprehensive. I wrote down the thoughts that I now paraphrase, ending with the sentence "I wonder if I, too, will be able to return, through song."

Several times since then, I've stumbled across the notepad that I used, back then, to jot down my thoughts. I feel sad, not for the loss of that version of myself, but because he was aware of the fact that he would soon die. He actually hoped that he would be able to return to Lachlan Sleight eventually, and yet I know that he never did. He even tried playing a song on repeat for the entire bus trip, trying desperately to bind himself to that song.

I can remember him, but I cannot feel him any longer. He ultimately failed.
It's almost as if, by being happy for a while, now that my peace is gone, and I have been thrust back into the world that drove me to little, I am less capable of objective detachment from myself.
I think I'm just tired.

おもいきり - Resolution, Resignation

I've been feeling...happy lately.
Not actively happy, but comparatively happy.
I had the thought a few months ago that I almost never get really depressed, since I'm pretty much constantly sort of depressed. Constantly melancholy. Now, for the first time in, I think, about 4 years, I'm permanently content.
I've been like this for a few weeks now. It's strange.

I'm not any different as a person, but I'm just...not upset? I spent a large portion of my time alone thinking about serious stuff, and now I think about things that I need to do, or things that need doing.
When I did those quiz things, I always got the answers like "you fit in to no group, you are a loner" or "you are definitely crazy". Now I just get normal answers. It's really strange.

90% of me wants it to stay like this, since I don't think I'm going crazy anymore, but there's 10% that wants to go back to the way I was - it was more interesting.

きみょう - Strange, Curious

On my way home today, two things happened.
One of them interesting, and one of them fascinating, intriguing.

I'll start with the interesting one...

On the train, I stand about 95% of the time. (Trains in Melbourne have far more sitting room than standing room, so I stand near the doors)
The trains in Melbourne have, on each side of the door, a glass barrier between the passageway of the door and the seat.
I was facing one of these glass barriers, and I saw something interesting.
Reflected back at me was not an image of myself as I would see in a mirror, but something subtly, but interestingly, different.
Because the glass was transparent, and there wasn't much difference in the light on either side, the reflection wasn't clear. My reflection was more like what someone who didn't know me or care about me might see me as.
My face was obscured. You could see roughly the outline of my eyes and eyebrows, and occasionally my nose, but no more than that. Not enough to identify me by.
You could see the rough outline of my hair, and that it was dark. Brown? Black?
My clothes were relatively obvious - the formal clothes of a private-school boy.
I had a bag on my right shoulder - or was it my left? I couldn't quite remember how a mirror's reflection works.

Either way, that was pretty interesting.
I would have drawn it, but I can't draw to save myself.


As for the intriguing thing:
After I got off the train, I began the short walk home. It's about 10 minutes, depending on how fast I walk.
Just outside of the station, I saw a group of three boys. I recognised two of them.
Now that we're all grown up, everyone's matured to the point of being friendly towards everyone...people are even civil towards me these days.
Except for these two. The only two boys to not have grown up at all, they are still the idiotic rebellious teens they were three years ago.
I'm quite a paranoid person, so I began to imagine that they followed me. Perhaps to take whatever possessions I had on me (I was listening to my iPhone), or just for the entertainment of hurting me.
Either way, I more or less resigned to having all of my stuff taken and myself beaten.
I began to imagine what it might be like.
The first hit, dull, unrealised at first, but slowly beginning to sting. A broken tooth, perhaps, the taste of blood. I spit out both and barely have time to turn back before the second punch. This one knocks me down. I don't have time to put my arms underneath me, and my face hits the pavement with more force than it did the fist. I feel several more teeth breaking, and feel my nose bending to an uncomfortable angle. The pain is worse, now, spreading all through my face in drawn out throbs, along with the sharp pain in my mouth, my tongue and my nose that keeps me from speaking. Warm blood flows from my nose, and I resist the urge to lick it from my top lip as I would water, for fear of further injuring my teeth. The idle thought that my parents spent a fair bit of money correcting my overbite and misaligned teeth with braces and retainers over the past several years flits through my head, before I look up at the trio standing over me.
Some words, I don't quite hear them, and they turn away.
I grab one of the ankles. I realise that I'm smiling.
The one who's ankle I am holding shakes me off, and kicks me in the ribs.
Now I feel the pain in more than just one place.
I would have imagined it to stop hurting after a while, but after the second kick, I realise that the pain will only get worse and worse. I imagine my rib cracking and a razor-sharp fragment piercing my lung, but my breathing doesn't change.
I'm laughing now, and, after a brief look between each other, the group begins to reign down blows upon my still-prone figure.
I feel a rib breaking, and then another.
A nerve is pinched in between a break in my arm, and I cry out in pain, spraying blood onto the pavement which I am face-down upon.
I still laugh. I try and get up, and a horrible cracking noise comes from somewhere. I collapse again.
Laughing still, blood flowing from my mouth, I laugh as I try desperately to grab them somehow, to somehow share the pain that I feel...

That was when I snapped back to reality, and I realise that, although my step hadn't faltered, I had on my face a horrible smile. Most people have had expressions on their face that they can get an idea about the appearance of, just by how it feels to be wearing the face. I had a general idea about the smile that I had, about the crazed eyes that still were half glazed over. The unnatural smile that pulled back my lips into what was more a horrified grimace than anything else.
More intriguing still, I found that I couldn't wipe the smile off my face. I got a very strange look from someone who walked past me, but it took about 5 minutes for me to finally wipe that expression off my face.

I just thought it was interesting...it was probably the first time that I've adopted such a strange expression without realising it.
All from the result of a strange train of thought I was having.

Come to think of it, I haven't actually tried looking in the mirror yet...I wonder if I can reproduce it.

くらやみ - The Dark

Something you may not have known about me - I'm scared of darkness.
I avoid saying 'scared of the dark' because it sounds juvenile, and I've long since moved beyond the fear that most children have of the dark. Now it's developed into a more mature fear, which is no better I guess. =_=

Anyway, I was just playing piano before, and it was pretty dark. I was playing a pretty speedy nocturne, and it's hard enough that I totally mess it up unless I concentrate really hard.
The wind started to blow, and a variety of night-noises came about.
I'm still playing this nocturne, and I get the sudden, certain feeling, that something is behind me, watching me play.
I don't stop - I can't stop. I love this piece, and I find it impossible to stop playing.
The night sounds grow louder, and I grow more and more horrified by what lies behind me. I cannot tear my eyes from the sheet music in front of me, afraid of losing my place, but I wish more than anything that I could look behind me, just to reassure myself that there is nothing there.
The piece grows faster and louder, and the night grows faster and louder to match.
As the piece reaches its climax, so too does my horror, and finally I finish, whirling around, to see nothing but the evaporation of my irrational fears.

Now, I'm not into hallucinogenic drugs, so I can't really say with much authority what is 'trippy' or not, but that was one of the most fucked up things I have ever done in my life.
It was a direct clash of two of the most irrational things about myself - a passion for music, and the irrational fears that haunt my mind.
They fought furiously for supremacy within my head at the same time as the epicness of the piece I played whirled around my senses.

せい - Life, True (logical), System, 10 ^ 40

I was talking to somebody yesterday.
They remarked, almost offhandedly, that "Life is difficult".
I thought about it. At the time, I didn't really say anything, but I thought about it a bit later on.

I disagree. 'Life' is very easy.
...
I just stopped typing for a few seconds, and did absolutely nothing. I was alive. Living. It was remarkably easy. I didn't even need to do anything different, and I was living. If anything is difficult, then death, or the absence of life, is the difficult thing. Those who are being sent to die, or who are told that they have only a few months left to live, it is they who find life relatively inconsequential. Their death consumes them, and it is the most difficult thing they have ever, or will ever have to do.

But I don't think that's what my conversant was talking about.
I believe that they were talking about the life which we all consider to be 'normal'. A state where we aren't thinking about our emotions, our troubles, and are simply existing. We tend not to notice when we are in this state, because, by its very nature, it does not allow for such thoughts. I like to think that this state is simple happiness. Not joy, or gladness, but simple contentment.
This is what I think was being referred to as difficult. A state of contentment.
Truly, it is certainly something that is difficult to come by. If there is anything wrong, anything that occupies our thoughts, that state vanishes like tendrils of incensed smoke upon a breeze.

I need some sort of fume-cabinet.

Then I'll be content.

ぎせい - Sacrifice, Perjury, Imitation, Bluff

I don't know.
Am I doing the right thing?

The most important thing is that she's OK, right?
Even if I end up being nowhere, so long as she's somewhere.

Even if...



Fuck.








FUCK.
I hate swearing.

おもい - Mind, Feelings

It is usually when I am alone that I have time to think. When I am making the short walk between the train-station and my home, or in the quiet, lonely hours of the night when I drift in and out of sleep, already beginning to prepare mentally for the day that lies beyond the abyss that awaits me, and sometimes it is when I am with other people, but I am separated from them in a way that I do not understand, but do not find in the least bit perplexing. It is in these times that I have the time to think, and as such, it is in these times that I have the capacity to enter sanctuary.
I say ‘sanctuary’ because I do not have any other word for that place. It is not so much a sanctuary as an intermission, a place of limbo in which there is nothing but the memory of the moments preceding it, and apprehension for the moments that it will be succeeded by. It is a place of blatant, but accepted, contradictions, and yet it is the one place that is truly honest.
Despite my describing sanctuary as a place, a physical location, I feel it would be more correct to say that it is an impression, an illusion, perhaps, of a place that I wish would exist, as if wishing so could perhaps bring about the painfully impossible. I think these things for some time, and to my constant bewilderment, the blatantly impossible occurs, and I am left thinking just how I could have been so foolish as to have doubted for an instant the existence of my sanctuary.
I step within myself and imagine casting my gaze about, for the sake of this account, so that I will not return to the origins of this idea with naught but a piece of paper, pure white and unsullied by my necessitated ramblings, and despite nothing truly existing in that place, I can see both nothing and everything at once, as though peering around an infinitely familiar place with my eyes closed – nothing can be seen, but the knowledge of its existence makes the obscurity unfold before clarity. It is the same here, in that while I can see nothing as such, I am familiar with everything that could exist before my eyes, and so, everything does.
It is only after several moments of this token gesture that I realise that I am not alone within my sanctuary. I do not attempt to look around for my companion, for my heart was never truly in such a gesture from the beginning, as I believe it futile. However, I can feel a presence, much in the way that one feels a cloud passing over the sun even when they are in the shade to begin with.
I do not speak, for I have no breath, nor do I try to communicate in any way. I suspect that even if I were able to take physical action, I would not, for my eyes would be wide with fear and my heart pounding with anticipation of the chase.
This goes on for a while, my fruitless musings, and my companion’s silent witness, until I begin to note that my companion has begun motion, and I imagine my jaw tightening and my hands clenching into fists.
I imagine a hand being placed on my shoulder, and I feel suddenly at ease, as one might as an infant, with the strong, sure hand of a father reassuringly placed across one’s shoulders, for such a thing is possible when one is young and small.
I imagine reassuring words spoken confidently into my ear, in my own voice, despite my inability to speak. I note that amongst the reassuring words are suggestions supported by objective madness, and I imagine capturing a brief glimpse of my companion. Like the rest of my sanctuary, the face I picture is both no face and every face. I imagine being slightly frustrated at my inability to identify who it is I have brought here, but my fancies disperse upon a non-existent wind.
For the first time, I feel truly afraid, and I imagine myself leaving my sanctuary, if for no other reason than to be able to rest my feet on ground that someone else crafted. But my companion holds me to himself, in an embrace that chills me in a way far deeper than any environment I could imagine myself being in.
I imagine all sorts of things to keep me separated from the one I brought into my sanctuary, but none of it is real, and so none of it has any effect save for giving me peace of mind for the briefest of instants, before my relief is torn down along with my false protection.
It is almost impossible to describe why it is that I fear that entity within myself, for everything I imagine it saying it logical, and has grounds in reality. Despite this, what I have learned in reality itself tells me that I must not listen to my inner voice and that it leads to a darkened path down which I must never follow.
And it is only then that I realise that that companion within my sanctuary is my sanctuary itself, in a way, and that it exists only because I willed it to be so. I recoil from such thoughts, but they cling to me much in the way that my sanctuary does.
And despite my best efforts, I now realise that it is too late for me to ignore my sanctuary, or to leave it behind, for it speaks truth and objectivity, and to ignore it is to lead myself down that shaded path.
And it is after all this that I come to a sudden, jolting realisation that sends waves of nausea through me. Despite my fear and despite everything, my sanctuary and its presence are in themselves me, and I understand that everything that I imagined them saying and doing was nothing but that itself – my imaginings.
And after these realisations comes one, final, crushing blow, and that is the acceptance of my insanity.

We had to write an essay for school, there were a bunch of options, I went for "In the style of Alistair MacLeod, describe the environment of your inner state"

めいかい - Clarity, The Realm of the Dead

People often mention, in relation to those losing their sanity, moments of "Clarity".
They mention these moments as positives, as signs of improvement, or, if nothing else, moments where mental deterioration isn't so bad.

I find it to be quite the opposite.
How can I have clarity if there is nothing that opposes that clarity?
Things aren't constant. It isn't always the same. My sanity waxes and wanes, it comes and it goes.
It is my rational thought that leads me down the path of anarchy.

If it is rational thought that leads me into irrationality, then what can I do but to go down that darkened path?

そえん - Enstrangement, Neglect, Silence

Within reason, this will probably be the last post I make in this place. I won't delete it - it's too depressing a thought to think that all of the stuff I've put into here would be gone. Not that I really want any of it, but it seems like a waste.

I'm not going to bother giving you (the lone reader) an update on what I've been doing, or anything else about me. I'm also not really posting this to tell you to stop checking here, since I'm not going to be posting anymore.
I'm more posting here to give myself some closure, and some peace of mind.

And now I have it.

さいようなら、ブロッグさん

ハッスッル と バッスッル - Hustle and Bustle

Well...it's been sort of a while.
Nothing much has happened, but at the same time, I feel like everything has happened.

My mind has been making (figuratively, of course) a constant whirring sound for the past week and a bit. I finished Tsukihime, and it was....indescribably good. I won't go into it, but if you don't play it, then why don't you just die now? The reason humans exist is to read Tsukihime.
Anyway, I just a few hours ago finished playing another Visual Novel, called True Remembrance. (Higher quality than Tsukihime, but I preferred Tsukihime myself)

Visual novels aside, I've also started waking up about 90 minutes earlier than I used to, going for a run, cooking myself breakfast (as opposed to toast or cereal) and still having about 30 minutes to take care of stuff before I go to school. The extra time is a blessing, and learning to cook is great. Not to mention the benefits of getting some decent exercise in. =]

School has been going pretty well, and I finished planning for a story, so now I have about 50 A5 pages of scribbled notes that I need to translate into a legible, scanable story.

So overall, I feel pretty happy...almost too happy. *Fears karma*

Oh, and something else cool, I'm not sure if I ever mentioned it before, but I've been going to a different ramen restaurant every week for the past month or so, and been grading the places with my sister. Now I've gotten my ass in gear, I've made myself a blog to put my rameny escapades into. I designed my own template and everything. :P
Here it is, anyway. GO THERE! XD
しょうり　の　ラーメン

Byebye~

せいじょう - Normality

Well...
I saw the Dark Knight, and I have to say, for a western movie, it was pretty damn good.
Clocking in at just over 2 and a half hours, it was sufficiently long to create some decent characters and plotline, the acting by Heath Ledger (The dead guy) was certainly deserving of all the praise it's received, unlike SOME lead characters I could name.
To be honest, it would probably be one of my favorite movies of all time if I hadn't:

• Watched anime
• Read Manga
• Played JRPGs
• Played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attourney - Justice for All

Now, the first three were things that introduced me to the concept of awesome, subtle, in-depth storylines which have a serious emotional impact on their audience. The Dark Knight had a pretty good storyline with some decent conflict in it, but it was so unsubtle, with the voiceover REPETITIVELY going over how jesusmanbatman was willing to sacrifice his image to save people, and how he is oh so courageous, and oh so sacrificing. If they had just been a little more subtle about it, it might have been pretty good.

With Pheonix Wright, in the second game, you eventually have to make the choice between saving someone dear to you, and upholding justice and staying true to yourself. Something similar happens in The Dark Knight, but unlike in The Dark Knight, Pheonix Wright pulls off this internal conflict so excellently, nothing can ever compare.


So, in terms of how awesome the movie was, I'd say it was epically super-duper awesome. :P
In terms of how much I enjoyed it, it was very, very enjoyable, but failed to leave a lasting effect on me.

れんぞく - Continuity

Well.

It's hard not to believe in fate, sometimes.
Less than a week after I began pondering the worry over not having any real reason to live, life throws a solution in my face with about as much subtlety as a falling 500kg weight from a cartoon.

I'm playing Tsukihime, and the one of the characters asks what's the point of going to school, of getting a job, of bothering to live for no reason. The other character replies that there isn't really a reason for anyone to live - that life in itself is pretty pointless. He is asked how he deals with that, and he says that he doesn't, he simply avoids the problem.

Basically, living in ignorance is better than living in agony.

I have to say, that's pretty much the only solution and it seems pretty obvious now I've been told it.

If life is pointless, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, then the only thing to do is stoically move forward, ignoring life itself, just trying to enjoy the pointless time we have to the best of our ability.

So I suppose I'm in a slightly better overall mindset now. The reality doesn't change, but I can at least change my perception of that reality.

Well, since this isn't just an emo blog about my feelings and how depressed I am, I'll go back to talking about things I actually do - off to see The Dark Knight with my father and sister now...I've heard it's pretty good, so that should be nice. ^_^

じゃな！

Toki wo Kakeru Karuson

Well aren't I special, I can take names of movies, replace a word, and make a special title.
I do think the title in this case is quite appropriate...the last two months have been....crazy.

I can't even begin to say what's happened. Both things that are easily observable, and thoughts that now occupy my head while I'm awake, and haunt my dreams while I'm asleep.

I suppose the main thing that happened in terms of observable events is I traveled alone (the first time I've traveled alone) to Kuala Lumpur to visit Alden. I won't go into too much detail, since so much happened, but I'll say that it was one of the best things I've ever done - it was great to see Alden again, and it marked the end of a phase in my life that I can't really define in words.

The two things that I've done in terms of my thoughts are quite different. One of them seems quite legitimate, while the other is almost laughably rediculous.

The former can be summarised by the word Buddhism. I am most certainly NOT a religious person - in fact, the very concept of religion irritates me. Buddhism, however, doesn't annoy me, nor does it strike me as a religion. I would define a religion as something that forces you to accept a set of beliefs, and pressures you into participating in various ceremonies and activities. Buddhism (or at least, Therevada Buddhism) is simply a way of life, imploring you to realise the "truth" about the world. Again, I won't go into too much detail, but for those who are foreign to the concept, Buddhism states that you, or anything else for that matter, don't exist. At least, in the material sense that you think of. It also says that suffering is only the result of desire, born from ignorance about the above truth, and if you can realise the truth, you can end desire, thus ending suffering.
It states that happiness is suffering, since not only is it born from ignorance, but will result in sadness, as you realise that the happiness was only fleeting.
I'm not a Buddhist, as I have (at the moment), no intention of following the way of life on my way to Enlightenment (realising the truth about the world), but I do respect quite a bit of the Buddhist philosiphy.

It is from these ideas that my most recent internal conflict has developed.
I played Fate/Stay Night, or at least, the Fate and Unlimited Blade Works routes. (The Heaven's Feel route has yet to be translated into English. Curse my monolinguistic skills) I finally realised something. Since I've never posted the one fatal flaw in my character on either of my blogs, I won't say what that realisation was, but I will say that it resulted in one thought, that even now I think is rediculous to be having.

I realised that my life has no real purpose.

It's insane. It's like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the age of 16. But that's just the way it is, it's a thought that's been occupying my mind for the past few weeks, and I can't shake it off, no matter what I do.
I have thought of counter-arguments, such as "my life doesn't need a purpose, as long as it has meaning, which can be found in others, and the love that I can share with them", but that isn't enough. Meaning is fine, but there has to be something that can come out of it, right?

I feel like there's no point to anything I do. I go to school, so I can go to a good university, so I can get a good job. Why? So I can enjoy myself as I earn a living. What's the point of enjoying myself for no aim? What's the point of earning a living if I don't have a reason to live? (Again, the whole "other people love love etc" thing comes into my head, but this is about my own purpose. I won't have others intruding on my reasons for living)

I'm hoping that this is just a tryhard phase I'm going through, and before long I'll forget all about it and go on living my pointless life, but I can't help but be worried that I will live out the rest of my miserable days wishing that I could make something of my life, even though it is impossible.


Sigh...I was going to make this a short "catchup" post, so that I could go back to posting whenever something of note happens, but I guess that went out the window.

Extrovertedness...

There's a Guitar Hero III competition going on at school at the moment.
In case you, one of the very few readers of my blog, don't already know, I am pretty good at that game. Not fantastic, but good enough to be able to play every song but one, and that one song is pretty insane.
Anyway, the competition is running through this week, the year 11's (that's me) are on on Wednesday, today it was the Year 9's.

To be honest, I had expected there to be about 20 people there, and more than half of that was to be competitors. I was going along to see how the competition would be run.
Three things surprised me.

• There were probably more than 100 people there
• There were only 6 competitors
• It was dark, with crazy lighting, and everyone was screaming like they were at a rock concert.

After the competitors had finished, there was about 5 minutes left in Lunch. Matt knew the guy running it, and was asked if he could play Through the Fire and Flames on Expert to entertain the crowd. (Follow the link before, to see the song).
So, he gets me to get up and play with him. I'm not exactly the sort of person people would be expecting to play that sort of song, in a game like that, at a place like that, so people were pretty surprised.

Anyway, when I chose the song and difficulty, everyone went crazy with yells and screams.


And then...

We played.



Cries of "OH MY GOD THEY'RE FREAKS" and "THAT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE" barely made their way over the deafening roar of 100 late teenagers, and Matt and I played on.

It was pretty awesome.
The bell cut the song short, but it was cool anyway.


So that's score one for the extroverted half of me...

Damn

Something most people don't know about me:
The single thing I hate more than anything else. More than prejudice, more than spoilers, is losing my temper.
The reason most people don't know this is I lose it VERY rarely.
Well, I lost it yesterday.
And for what?
A stupid sport.
I can't believe myself.

I watch other people lose their temper, and lost a part of who they are in that instant, and think to myself "I hope to never lose myself as they are doing" and then I go along and do it.
For more than an hour after the game of sport had finished, I was seriously depressed, and now I just look back with frustration, sadness and guilt.

If anything good has come of yesterday, it is that the sting of what I did is still fresh in my mind, and should stay there a good long while, and will hopefully prevent me from losing my temper ever again.

Well...

All was well in the end, I suppose.
I've been epically busy these past couple of weeks. Had a VCD outcome due, and that was crazy. Last week, had three separate services for ANZAC, two guards, once march, and that was good, but took a lot of my time.
I handed in my VCD today, so now I can breathe a huge sigh of relief that my homework is down to less than 3 hours a night. xD
Tai Chi has been going well, I'm really glad I started it, it's a great way to calm down and relax. :D

So yeah...I should really try to be more positive...

Fsck.

Well...Well, great.
Last weekend, I decided to not do much homework, as I didn't have anything really due on Monday, and I was feeling pretty poorly for both Saturday and Sunday. Now, however, I am totally screwed, as I have to do all of my VCD mock ups, all 12 of them, a Methods assignment, 4 English questions, Hockey Practice, and a music lesson, all after school today. That's probably about 9 hours of swork, give or take an hour or two. Tomorrow, I need to do 3 hours of Biology. Not only this, but I need to have about 3 hours of BARPG stuff finished for two days ago.

All up, I'd say I'm relatively screwed. I can't even do any this lunchtime or next lunchtime, as I have training for the service in the chapel on Wednesday.

Fsck.

From chaos, springs order.

Well, I'm going to write off the past several months as lost to the endless depths of time, since there's no way I can remember exactly what happened in all that time.
Assuming that I am, in fact, reviving my blog, I suppose it's time to start mentioning details.

Well, first and foremost, since it's what I'm doing now (Yes, I can do multiple things at once, it's not an exclusive X-chromosome-only thing), the BARPG is due to open in a few days, and I'm not quite ready. But hey, that's what night-time is for. I started Tai-Chi several days ago, I'm finding it quite worthwhile. Nice and relaxing, gives me some time to think, and if I want to, can go on to pwn people with it. xD

I can't decide whether I am really, really behind with my schoolwork, or going just fine...I might be a mix of both. xD

Biology is...quite hard, but really interesting, so I'm going pretty well.
English is...quite easy, but incredibly annoying, since I have Mr. Vernon...AGAIN. So I am going mediocrely...compared to how I COULD be going.
Methods is...hard, but not too hard. Going OK.
VCD is...easy, but needs a lot of work, and Mr. Wardell is the biggest tool ever conceived.
IT is....IT. Enough said. I probably know more than the teacher.
Business Management is...so pointlessly easy that I am weeks ahead of the majority of the class, and am thus reduced to playing sudoku in classes. =_=

Overall, school's going pretty well. I got platoon sergeant in cadets, which, although is kind of weird, since Cadets is voluntary for everyone this year, it's going to be great, so I'm really happy to have such a good rank. :P

Anyway, I hope I'll bother to post again some time.

Ja~

Clarian wishes to ressurect you. Do you accept?

Well, after a good long absence of a quarter-year, I am back, and even then, only at the prompting of another. I suppose I’m sort of obliged to explain what’s been going on since the start of school. VCE is…hard. Lots of work. In fact, right now I’m supposed to be doing an English Essay. @_@
I’ve gone in, and out, and in, and out of various phases. I learned new ways to solve the Rubik’s cube, but it was stolen…again. I bought a new one, but it’s all stiff, so that sucks. :(
Did some stuff, saw some things, nothing incredible has happened, really. I went to this guitar-hero III competition, but I didn’t get past the qualifying round. :P
A friend of mine got to the finals, but not to the grand final.
I’m sort of hoping that maybe this post will revive my blog, as it’s quite a good way to reflect and relieve stress. On that note, I’m starting Tai-Chi tonight…in about 1 1/2 hours, to be precise. :P

Anyway, here’s the reason I’m actually posting this, and I hope I’ll post more in the future…


1. What have you realised recently?
What HAVEN'T I realised recently? :S

2. Have you given your first kiss away?
Well...do family members count? xD

3. If you were to be stranded on a deserted island, who are the 11 blog buddies you would take?
Um, I don't HAVE 11 blog buddies...so...all of them. :P

4. Where is the place that you want to go the most?
Sri Tiara Condominium, Apartment 6-22-2. 9 Jalgn Road, Tran Seputeh, Taman Seputeh, Wilaya Perseketuan, near the megamall. (Yes, the fact that he told me his address like, two years ago and I still have it is slightly creepy, but smeh. :P)

5. If you can have 1 dream to come true, what would it be?
I don't remember my dreams.

6. Do you believe in seeing a rainbow after the rain?
I believe in lacking the rain after the storm is over.

7. What are you afraid to lose the most now?
My mind.

8. If you win $1 million, what would you do?
Put it in the bank, and I could live off the interest. :P
That's about 100,000 a year in interest. :D

9. If you meet someone that you love, would you confess to him/her?
Probably not, but I don't know what being in love is like. =[

10.List out 3 good points of the person who tagged you.
She...I don't know much about her. :S
She's pretty cool though. xD

11. What are the requirements that you wish from your other half?
I have no idea. o_O

12. Which type of person do you hate the most?
Ignorant people. Prejudiced people count.

13. What is the one thing you cannot live without?
Air, water, carbohydrates, lipids, proteins, various vitamins and minerals.

14. If you have faults, would you rather the people around you point out to you or would you rather they keep quiet?
If people know them, and stay, then it's worth it. If I'm afraid to say those faults, then said people aren't friends for life. =/

15. What do you think is the most important thing in your life?
Continuity.

16. Are you a shopaholic or not?
Hah I spent about $200 last year in total. xD

17. Find a word to describe the person who tagged you.
erm.....

18. If you have a chance. Which part of your character you would like to change?
Total reset. Then live a life in the space of a second, to get the experience again

19. Whats the last shocking thing you've seen or heard?
Nothing seems to shock me. :S Perhaps I just lead a very boring life.

20. Would you rather go deaf, or blind?
Blind. I need music, and I think I'd manage being blind. :|

Tag...um. E

Returning

The holidays are now coming to a close. In less than 12 hours, I, and the rest of BGS, will be back to school. These past holidays have been very different from most, because of the renovations. It has given me a chance to recollect my thoughts, refresh my mind, start afresh.
I have learned much, seen much, done much. I watched no less than 6 animes, downloaded hundreds of songs, learned to create maps in UnrealED, Taken my first job, earned enough money to start purchasing parts for my new computer, discovered new ways for people to interact with computers, learned the Jessica Fridrich method for solving F2L on the Rubik's cube, and many other things, far to numerous to mention.
For most of my life, the passing of years has been marked by the school years. I suppose that's why the fact that it is now 2008 has, for the most part, skipped my attention.
2008 will be an interesting year for me. Since I will be turning 16, I will be able to get a Driver's Licence, apply for a Visa and leave school. I'm not sure how it will all turn out, since the years never seem to go exactly as I planned, but I am hoping that at least it won't be a bad year.
I can't say I'm exactly looking forward to going back to school, but I guess my disposition is irrelevant, and I'm certainly not dreading it. As I said, it will be interesting.

Either way, time goes on, and until someone finds a way to stop it, the only thing I can do is keep clawing my way through experiences as they attempt to rush by me.
Wish me luck!

Blurr.

I....sort of understand what people mean when they say they are blur...
I worked again yesterday, and I'm going to work in about half-an-hour. I haven't slept much recently, so I'm ultra-tired. But beyond that...I just feel...

Blur.

No better way to describe it. Oh well. At least, after either today, or the next time I work, I'll have enough to start purchasing parts for my computer, which is a great thing. I think I'll hold that off until the holidays later in the year, since school starts in a week and a bit...

Not much point in having a beast of a machine if I can't pwn with it...

So I'm pretty much occupying my time with, at the moment, reading. I'm reading an awful lot lately...almost an unhealthy amount, but I suppose that isn't too bad...
The time I don't spend reading, I spend on the forums, and the time I don't spend doing either of those thing, I'm pretty much moping around doing nothing.

And I just remembered, again, that I have a heap of homework to do.
Great.

Oh well, I'm going to use the time I have now on the forums, before going off to put RAM into notebooks. /sigh.

Itte kimasu.

Work Work...(Actually this time)

Work.
My perspective on the subject has changed considerably over the past few days. On Tuesday, it was a shining goal, a place where I had to crane my neck and squint in order to see properly. It was the way I would buy my PC, a plane-ticket and eventually, a car, an apartment who knows what else. It was the thing standing between me, and the next phase of my life.
On Tuesday, it was, very suddenly, much closer. I did not have to crane my neck. I did not have to squint. All I had to do was get changed, grab some lunch and get myself over to Reserve Road.
You see, a family friend is the Managing Director of an IT distributer, and I had asked her for a job about a week ago, not really expecting any results. She called at about 7:30, Wednesday morning, informing me that she was short a pair of hands, and would I like to come in and work for the rest of the week, from 8:30 'till 4:30. I, of course, jumped upon the opportunity, got changed in a flash, and was soon on my way to the office.
At that point, I was quite apprehensive. The only experience I can relate it to is the start of a roller coaster, when the carriage is idling slowly along the start of the track. The only difference this time was that I couldn't see the gigantic drops, loops and corkscrews ahead of me.

Day 1: I arrived at the office quite apprehensive, but excited. It was the sort of job that I hadn't really dreamed of getting. I wasn't going to be cleaning anything, cooking anything, or sitting at home playing games, I was going to work at an IT office...I couldn't believe my luck. I met all of the people at the office - Andy, Dylan, Jarrad, Alex and Katie. Andy and Dylan were the ones manning the IT floor *See Diagram1*, where I would be working, Jarrad was the receptionist, Katie was the manager and Alex was in an unknown position of leadership that still confuses me. I stood around awkwardly for about 15 minutes while Andy and Dylan decided what to do with me, before Jarrad walked in and asked me to "move a couple of boxes, it'll only take about 20 minutes." I will now proceed to correct the preceding sentence. For "a couple", read "about one-hundred. Add "upstairs" after "boxes", and change "20 minutes" to "about 2 hours". And then try adding "Oh and by the way, you will be completely physically exhausted about half way through, and we're going to remind you that after you've finished that massive pile, there are another two hiding that you don't know about yet, so you can have fun finding that out later."
Whee.
About two hours of painstaking box-moving later, I had changed my perspective on work.
Work was now, for me, something that had to be done, in order for a standard of living to be maintained. The way I saw it, someone had to do the things that I was doing, and that person would have to do it, or no longer be able to maintain the way they live. I was only concerned with items that would make my life better, and I still am, I suppose, but now I am more aware of what work means to others. I hadn't really realised that until Wednesday. But the day didn't end there. That was only 2 hours of an eight-hour day.
After finishing that, I walked back to the IT floor, and Andy instructed me to start putting some RAM into notebooks...














Image 1: The IT floor.

This job filled me with interest, since it involves PC hardware, a topic which immensely interests me, and it was far less strenuous than carrying large boxes up stairs.
I was of a slightly different opinion four hours later.
Let me lay out the routine of inserting a 1GB stick of RAM into an Acer TravelMate 6292 Notebook-Computer.

1. Get four boxes out of the storeroom.
2. Carry boxes to IT floor.
3. Get first box.
4. Pick up pen-knife.
5. Cut open box.
6. Put down pen-knife.
7. Take out notebook.
8. Re-insert foam-packaging into box.
9. Take pamphlets out of box.
10. Take notebook out of bag.
11. Place notebook on top of bag.
12. Pick up screwdriver.
13. Unscrew first screw.
14. Unscrew second screw.
15. Unscrew fourth screw.
16. Unscrew third screw.
17. Put down screwdriver.
18. Take of RAM casing.
19. Pick up a stick of RAM.
20. Insert RAM into notebook, aligning groove.
21. Clip down RAM.
22. Check RAM. If wobbly, take out RAM, and go back to step 18.
23. Pick up screwdriver.
24. Screw in first screw.
25. Screw in second screw.
26. Screw in fourth screw.
27. Screw in third screw.
28. Put down screwdriver.
29. Pick up notebook.
30. Place notebook into box.
31. Place pamphlets into box.
32. Place bag into box.
33. Add box to the already humongous box-pile you have created. *See Diagram2*
34. Get next box. Go to step 4, until you run out of boxes, then go back to step 1. Repeat indefinitely.

It was at this point that I decided that any factory worker must be pretty depressed...I was finding this repedative work pretty depressing...
Oh well. After quite some time, I finished, and went home, quite tired.















Diagram 2: My lovely box pile, day one (most of the boxes were taken away, for imaging)

Day two. I'm not going to go over it in too much detail, but just know that ALL I did was the RAM. Non stop, for 8 hours. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun. Fun.

Day three. Since I'm getting tired of writing, I'll just say that I didn't have to do any more RAM. I was mainly imaging notebooks. (Installing the OS and programs onto the notebooks for schools) Much more...less-boring. I stayed a bit longer on Friday, until about six. Now, it's all over.

My opinion of work now?
Hmm...

I think I'll settle on:
"A way to earn money."


Oh and by the way, the holidays up until now have been relatively boring, and I'm learning how to create maps for the Unreal Engine.

Ja.

Tagged by Clarian!

Rules: Do this tag and answer all the questions into your own blog. Delete one question from the questions listed and add one of your own questions. Make sure it's 20 questions. Tag 8 persons.

1. What was your dream when you were a small kid?
- To be a ninja. xD

2. What is your happiest thing in your whole life?
- Talking with my brother. :)

3. What do you wish to have now?
- About another 1500 dollars. Enough to buy my PC and visit somebody. :D

4. How should the world be seen?
- As home.

5. What have you realised recently?
- That it's Christmas tomorrow! :O

6. What is the bad habit that you cannot accept the most?
- Irrationality.

7. When you have something which you are unhappy about, what will you do?
- Ignore it. If I can't, run away from it.

8. Are you afraid of losing?
- Not afraid...but I sure hate it. xD

9. Do you think that you feel helpless, or uselesss, sometimes?
- Not really.

10. When you meet someone that you like, will you confess or hide your feelings?
- Probably hide, but I have no idea.

11. List out 3 kind of people you hate the most.
- 1. Prejudiced people
2. Irrational people
3. Those who relish the pain of others.

12. If you're given a chance to change the world, what will u do?
- Take out the monetary system. I know every economist in the world is cringing at that sentence, but there has to be a way to make it work, and even though it's impossible, it would solve almost every problem this world faces.

13. Are you satisfied with your life now? Do you think any changes should be made?
- My life right now is a thoroughfare from my past to my future. Am I satisfied with it? No. Would I change it if I could? No. It just...is.

14. When was the most recent time you felt touched?
- When I was watching Kimi ga Nozomu Eien. xD

15. Where is the place that you visited and you felt the most beautiful?
- The beach yesterday. I walked out onto a natural pier, made of rock, and smelt the sea air, felt the chilling breeze, and looked out upon the infinite azure of the sea.

16. Use a song to describe how you've felt recently.
- LIFE by Yui.

17. If you had one wish that'll come true, what is it?
- I would wish that I knew what I should have wished for.

18. Do you have anything to worry or to be scared about recently?
-I sure do.

19. What am I looking for in my life?
- To not die.

20. If you could take back one decision you made in your life, what would it be?
- To not drop Japanese lessons at the end of year six.

I tag... Everyone on my friends list! Unfortunately, they've all been tagged already, so that's sort of superficial. :/

Holidays thus far...

It certainly has been a while.
Holidays have been...and been...and they're still be-ing. In fact, they will be be-ing for quite some time, which is a slightly daunting prospect when I think about it, seeing as I have been doing next to nothing for the past....while. (I haven't been counting days...in fact, I couldn't even tell you what day it is, let alone the date)

I, so far these holidays, have started, and finished, watching: Claymore, Elfen Lied, Kimi ga Nozomu Eien, Air and Trigun. This is because these holidays thus far, I haven't slept at a time preceding the letters: "PM", and I haven't woken up at an hour with only one digit, unless that digit is a one. I feel fine, but I know that it's not healthy nor smart...but what else am I to do?

The PC is on it's deathbed. The registry was so clogged up we couldn't run anything, and after a re-installation of Windows, we realised that there must also be a hardware fault, since the thing still crashes every half-hour. I went through some more details of getting my own computer, and nearly had a heart attack upon seeing the lowermost cell in my spreadsheet, telling me that I needed almost another thousand dollars before my purchase became realistic. So I've now decided to go job-hunting after new-years.

Speaking of deathbeds, I woke up two mornings ago to find my awesome fish, Glaedr (Who some will know from a very old blog post in my first blog, and others will know is the name of Oromis' dragon in Christopher Paolini's Eldest), laying on the floor of his bowl, coloured a pale gray, with black fins and empty eyes. He was still alive. After tearing my mother away from her joke emails, I hurriedly googled his symptoms, which came up with nothing. Not phased, I then brought up a list of common pet-fish diseases. After quickly scanning a list of about 50 ailments, I came up with the one that fit: Velvet Disease. A bacterial skin infection, I learned that it is far easier to spot on darker coloured fish, harder on lighter coloured fish, and very difficult to spot until it is very advanced on patterned fish. (For those who don't know, Glaedr is a paradise fish - he is gold with vertical, blue stripes) I wasn't too sure, but judging by his condition, I decided that the infection was pretty advanced. Turning back to the monitor, I quickly perused the course of action I should take. It seemed I needed to quickly remove him from his current bowl, and put him into a clean one, with water at a temperature of 31-34 degrees celcius, with two grams of salt p/litre dissolved in. He then needed to be kept in a dark environment. This was speedily arranged, and before long, Glaedr was laying on the bottom of his lovely new, salty, warm, freshly-cleaned mixing bowl. I closed the pantry-door and went to play some piano. Some time later, I checked back on him. To my surprise, he was perfectly fine. I'm watching him closely now, and from what I can see, he might be developing a secondary infection. I'm going to check in the morning...or...later this morning. :/

I just realised...again. Christmas. This year has gone by so mind-numbingly fast, I simply cannot hold the thought that it's going to be christmas in...tomorrow. Even as I type it now, I can scarcely believe it. It's not even as if there has been as much commercialisation this year. I'm used to seeing every store snapping up the fresh opportunities the yuletide season can bring, every advertisement blaring out some jingle or the other, stores hung about with tinsel. Not so this year. There has been a lot, just nothing even nearly approaching that of previous years.
Perhaps the entire season is just beginning to lose its sense of wonder for me.
I can't say I'm particularly exited. In fact, I wouldn't say I'm at all exited. It will be nice to see a few relatives I haven't seen in a while, and it's always good to obtain things you didn't pay for, but beyond that, I see no value for Christmas. I'm a deeply unreligious person, to the point where I am morally opposed to joining a religion at all. The very concept seems wrong to me. On the flipside, however, I am also opposed to the traditional "Happy Holidays", "Santa and His Reindeer", "Christmas Tree" American-Christmas that seems to have infected the rest of the world. The way of going about the season as though we are all children, and all that matters at Christmas is the food, presents and happiness. It's supposed to be a religious holiday. Either you're in, or you're out. It's at this point that I begin sounding slightly hypocritical, since I have already mentioned that I'm against religion, but I would have to concur, saying that I try to avoid getting involved in the holiday as much as possible. I buy gifts for my immediate family, I accept gifts given to me with thanks, I participate in the traditional Christmas lunch we have each year, but beyond that, I stay pretty much out of it. I wonder if I'll be getting any visits from spirits tomorrow evening.

Cadet Camp (Again)

Whenever I return from being away, I expect things to change. Camp was so different, I just expect that things at home will be like that too.

They're always the same. Things never change, and it depresses me. That's the main reason I don't like going away...it's a painful reminder of how little I matter (At the moment?).

But that's beside the point. I will now give a one-sentence summary of year 2007 Senior Promotions Camp.

"Before I left, I tried to get a good song stuck in my head, but throughout camp all I had stuck in my head was 'Left, Left, Left Right Left, Left Right Left Right Left Right Left.'"

I know you'd probably rather hear about it in a little more, detail, but I really can't be bothered to do so. Yes, I'm sure you're shattered.

Anyway, for the last few days, I have been eating nothing for breakfast, since I've been waking up rather late, then eating either takeaway for lunch or heated-up pies/fish-fingers. For dinner, I have had ONLY takeaway for the last 3 days. I've been playing a lot of PC, watching a lot of anime. The kind of thing that I think I would be happy doing, but although I feel contented for the majority of the time, in between episodes, or levels, I find myself surprisingly melancholy, for a reason I can't quite put my finger on.

I'm probably just tired, I haven't been sleeping much. I'm not going to copy this into anti-infin0ence, simply because I don't really think anything worthwhile has been said.

Ja.

Where angels dare tread...

Cadet Camp. We had it last year, we had it this year, we'll have it next year. Coming into this year's camp, I was feeling slightly apprehensive, what with what had happened last year. (Fire, injuries, massive brawls with weapons, drugs, etc). To be honest, this camp wasn't really anything like that. It wasn't fun, that's for sure, but it wasn't nearly as bad as last year, from a rank's point of view. That's the other difference between last year's camp and this year's: Last year, I was a cadet, doing what I was told and just getting through it. This year, I am a corporal, so not only did I have to do all the hikes and activities, I had to make sure that the cadets did pretty much what they were supposed to be doing, and were getting engaged...not an easy task.

But let me tell you about the camp from a more chronological point of view. There may be some inaccuracies, since for the majority of the camp I was either tired out of my mind, sleeping, eating, walking or attempting futilely to get the Year 9's to do what the hell they were told.

On day one, after a relatively short bus-ride, we all jumped out of the bus, stiff-legged and weary. First thing was first: Walk about 5km to camp carrying all of our stuff. The pack's weren't too heavy, maybe 30kg max, but that didn't stop all the cadets from complaining 'till they were blue in the face. It didn't take too long to get back to camp, however, and the boys were soon sitting on the side of the road, looking angrily at the HQ tent and the portaloos that they would probably be becoming very familiar with over the next few days.

There is something I must explain...one major difference between this camp and last year's.
The Cicadas.

I spell Cicadas with a capital C because they went, from the start of the camp to the end, from insects, to an aspect of the camp. A theme, if you will. One of the components that served to make the boys hate the camp. The reason? Imagine the loudest noise you have ever heard being made from something natural. This was as loud as that, times...10? They were so loud, and so many, that the high-pitched screeching they made emanated from the trees in which they resided, bounced off everything, and came at you from all directions. So, rather than being a high-pitched screeching from the trees, it sounded almost as if it were coming from the inside of your ear. A high pitched, piercing, throbbing scream that was enough to drive anyone crazy. The only sanctuary was to wear a hat, which blocked out the noise that was coming from above.

Cicadas weren't the only fun insect that was around the campsite either, no no no. There was a myriad of creepy-crawlies all over the place. Bush-cockroaches, beetles, worms, flies, weevils, true bugs, ants, scorpions and SPIDERS. There was definately at least one spider per 10cm squared on the ground. If you picked up a large handful of dirt, the odds were that you had also picked up a spider. The majority of them were quite small, smaller than a fingernail, but there was also quite a few funnel-webs, huntsmans, black house spiders, white-tails and trapdoors if you preferred something bigger to crawl on you while you slept. I'm not afraid of spiders at all, but I would prefer it if something that can bite me would come and face me like a man, rather than falling on my shoulder when I'm least expecting it.

Anyway, back to the chronology.

The first day, we really didn't do anything other than get set up and introduced. We went for a little walk that night, just a couple of km, and we went to bed.
On day two, we took a considerably longer walk. It was probably about 10-15km..I'm not exactly sure, but it took us about 4-5 hours. There was quite a bit of cross-country stuff. It wasn't too eventful, it was more of a dreary trudge than anything else. We played spotlight that night.
Day three: Abseiling and a game of situation spotlight. I, Nick and Tom didn't participate in abseiling, Nick and I electing to spend most of the time sleeping. After all, we had just been on an abseiling and rock-climbing camp, and this was a pretty small abseil. It wasn't all that great hiking up and back to the rock, but that wasn't that bad either. The situation spotlight, however, was a little more interesting.
The target: A glowstick. Weapons-grade uranium, important documents, blueprints, evidence, whatever. Each squad had to go and get it, and bring it back to HQ. It was pretty much pitch-dark, save for the moonlight, and it would involve a lot of cross-country movement, since there were about five guards stationed near the glowstick. Two were patrolling the road near where the glowstick was, two were stationed at intersections to catch out unwary squads, and one (Nick) was placed just off the path into the bush near the glowstick, with his torch off...waiting. Our squad got mostly lost, ending up at HQ with no glowstick. Two of our squad broke off, grabbed the glowstick and got caught. This meant our entire squad was out...but then, no-one got the glowstick. Too many guards I guess. We all went to bed and slept soundly.
Day four was slightly more eventful. It was to be the day that I would remember the best, since it was the only day that anything really bad happened. Everyone was to be making bush-shelters, out of logs, sticks, bark and ferns. They would be sleeping in those that night, even though it was going to rain. Rank didn't have to sleep in the shelters, but we did have to have everyone's bag thrown into our tent. (By tent, I mean hoochie, a piece of water-proof canvas thrown over a string suspended between two trees and pegged to the ground) So the rain was one bad thing that happened that day. But that stopped after a few hours, so it wasn't anything too disastrous.
The other bad thing that happened was a fight that broke out near to the campfire. Paul broke wind (An odd thing for a fight to start over, but oh well), Oscar said "Doorknob" (An odd thing for a fight to start over, but oh well) and began punching paul repedatively. In case you don't know, which you probably don't, Doorknob is an idiotic rule thought up by some genius a while ago. If someone farts, and doesn't say "Safety", and someone else says "Doorknob", the person who says Doorknob gets to punch the offender until they touch a doorknob. Why you would say that out in the BUSH, where there AREN'T any doorknobs, I have no idea...pretty sadistic, if you ask me.
Anyway, Oscar's started punching paul repedatively. Paul has hit at Oscar with his hat, to brush him away, and he must have hit him with a hard part of the hat, or somthing, because Oscar then proceeded to kick Paul in the back. Hard. The toe of his shoe connected and I winced as Paul recoiled from the blow, yelled, and got up to charge at Oscar. It was at this point, (A little late, I know, but better late than never) that I got up, cursing under my breath, and ran in between the two. The break of eye-contact was enough to stop the proceedings. Paul ran off into the Bush a way. I instructed Oscar to come with me to HQ, and walked him over. The teachers (Officers, Leutenant Emmet and Keslar) wished to first know why he had burned a hole in someone else's tent, and then wanted to know why he was there. I left him at this point. After a while, he came to get Paul, who was still in the bush. He was qute upset. He obviously wasn't going to want to talk to the teachers for a little while. After maybe another half-an-hour, Mr. Keslar came and collected Paul, bringing him over to HQ. I don't know exactly what happened to Oscar, but I do know that he was isolated for the rest of the camp - no social contact. I suppose that's the step down from being sent home. That was pretty much it for day four, except for a very short hike through the bush.
Day five: Everyone was going home. The cadets were pretty exited, and many play-fights and tree-pushing downs were happening. The rank and officers had pretty much resigned to leaving late, but surprisingly, everyone banded together and got the campsite packed-up and cleaned pretty quickly. We left exactly on schedule, and got onto the busses at about 1:00. We got back to school at about 2:30. I won't go into what happened in the time between that and me getting home at 4:30, but I'll just say that it's a 10 minute drive, and Nonna needs new glasses.

That's pretty much it. I'm tired of typing now, so I'm going to go and watch Claymore.
Ja ne.

An Intermittent Calm...

Well, exams are over. Of course, such an extraordinary event cannot go unblogged about, so I will now proceed to briefly outline my week of examinny goodness.

Day 1: 19th November, 2007.
Yes, the week had finally come. Exams were upon us. This came with a feeling of slight resignation, as I realised that I probably wouldn't be doing much worthwhile stuff this week. I did, however, feel slightly glad that I wouldn't be at school anywhere nearly as long as normal, and this meant more studying/relaxing time and less strenuous thinking time.
It's not all bad I suppose.
The first day was IT Multimedia, a flash exam, and Maths.

I'll start with the flash exam. Let me just say this: I have been working with flash for approximately a fifth of my life. 3 years. I seriously doubted that I would be having any trouble with this exam, but, just in case, I studied for it anyway. One does not want to become complacent. Well, the exam was about as easy as I thought it was. I got everything completed with about 30 minutes to spare, and then I began adding some extra-features, to grab some extra marks. This venture was, however, interrupted, as my keyboard went, for lack of a better word, apeshit. Every. Single. Key. Got. Randomly. Assigned. An. ASCII. Code. This meant, basically, that I typed the letter "A", and got the very useful "◄". Attempts at typing "Symbol 1" were met with the output of "^○(F┘dÚ". I tried going onto a different computer, to no avail. So, resigned to my efforts thus far, I took out my 'cube and began twiddling with that while waiting for the exam to end.

Next up was maths. I went in feeling fairly confident, I left feeling even more confident. I found it surprisingly easy. I am reasonably sure I will get a pretty good mark there.


Day 2: 20th November, 2007.
I was free for all of Tuesday, which was definitely a welcome reprise. I spent the majority of the day studying for my Commerce exam on Wednesday, but I did brush over a few key chapters in Macbeth, for good measure. I also started playing Call of Duty 2 again.

Day 3: 21st November, 2007.
I woke up late, did some last minute study, and headed out the door to start my second day of exams. Commerce was reasonably easy, but I suppose the whole reason I'm doing that subject is because it is easy.

English was...annoying. Although I do enjoy English, because of Mr Vernon being the monolithic pillar of negative-inspirational energy, I really couldn't be screwed producing anything of value for him. I churned out 3 B+ essays, and spent the rest of the time looking out the window. I suppose the only good part is the fact that never again will I have to quail under the Silver Fox's negative aura.

Day 4: 22nd November, 2007.
Well, IT Programming today. Fun AND challenging. A great subject choice. I walked into the exam at midday, walked out an hour-and-a-half later. It was quite an entertaining exam, since I rather enjoy programming, and I went quite well. Not really much to say.

Day 5: 23rd November, 2007.
Final day, final exam. Science. Biology. 3/4 work. It was a hard exam, but I knew most of the material that was on it, so it went fairly well. I was expecting a pretty good mark until I turned the paper over at the end and realised that I had missed the last page. Worth 7 marks - 14%.
My entire consciousness t that point: "Shit."
So now I am expecting a very mediocre mark. But oh well, that's the way the wafer crumbles.

And at that, the exams were over, quite abruptly. Now I have two days of peace before marching off to Cadet Camp '07, which should be...fun...
As long as it's anything like last year, with the bush-fires, building shelters out of sticks and sleeping under them in the rain, walking for 7 hours with 20kg strapped to your back, sleeping and waking up with spiders all over you, falling onto a tree only to disturb a NEST of huntsman's which begin crawling all over you...
Only this year, I get to be the one to deal with all the dickhead year 9's who consider me as much of a disciplinary leader as they do the pus-covered congealed blob of festering blood that they just picked off their scabbed elbow, before examining it critically and flicking it down into the dirt for someone to puzzle over later.

Yeah..should be good. Wish me luck...very, VERY good luck.

eGames '07

Well, yesterday was the big day. eGames expo - Australia's largest gaming exhibition was coming again, to the Melbourne Exhibition Center, known affectionately as "Jeff's Shed".
Nick and I had agreed to go together. I would pick him up at his house, and we would proceed to the expo. As we pulled up on Jeff's Shed, I found myself again marveling at the sheer size of the building. I have been many times, but each time I visit I am struck anew by it's awe-inspiring monolithic...ness.
After hurrying down to Southbank to get some lunch and back, I could barely contain my apprehension for what eGames would hold for me this year. Last year it was great fun to play the games that had not come out yet, but that was about as far as the worth of the expo had gone for me. Now that I am interested in breaking into the gaming industry, the courses I will need and the contacts and skills I will need to establish, I knew that this year's expo would prove far more valuable.

As we opened the doors to the Exhibition Center, my eyes widened instinctively, just so I could grasp as much of the view presented to me as possible. The ceiling was easily 50 meters high, and facing me was a corridor which would take easily 10 minutes to walk down. Neither of us were sure which of the many exhibition rooms eGames was being held in, but as we walked down that massive corridor, we soon found what we were looking for. After a surprisingly short line, we walked, almost reverently, into the expo. I was hit by a sensory tidal-wave.
The most prevelant sense was noise. A combination of the exited voices of over 500 people, otaku, gamers, cosplayers, industry-people, officials screaming into microphones, games being played loudly on surround-sound keyboards and the general ambiance of enough footsteps to mistake the crowd for a stampede was enough to make me almost stop walking forward. However, before I could process this mass of noise assaulting my eardrums, I adjusted, and everything just became a loud drone. This didn't stop me from having to yell whenever I wanted to talk to Nick, however.
Before really moving forward, I looked around. It was clear that there were very many things to see this year. Nintendo had a small, slightly disappointing area right at the front, where they were last year. They really only had old games that I had already played many times, so I didn't visit that area at all during the time I was there. Industry and education stalls lined the two side-walls, and I had a bit of a look at these while walking around. It was interesting to see just what it might be like for me in the years to come, as I am shaped to become the game-producing machine I will hopefully turn out to be. The back wall was a competition-area. Team Immunity, Australia's most noted gaming-clan had a large stage set up, with 10 state-of-the-art gaming PC's set up. It seemed that they were taking on a few players in various games. I had a look at how that was progressing a little later-on, I saw that they had inverted their controls and were using only pistols, and were still completely obliterating all of their opponents. I briefly considered giving it a go myself, but decided I had better things to do than wait in a massive line in order to play Source against a group of professional gamers for five minutes. There was also a Halo-3 area, but that too had tremendous lines. The center of the area was a hodgepodge of various companies. Hardware, Software, Game-Developers, Vendors, even an anime-vendor, who I recognised from last-year's eGames. Probably the most interesting feature of the center was very close to the Team-Immunity stage. Crysis - one of the biggest releases for the gaming industry this year, was being showcased. 8 PC's were running single-player Crysis, 5 were running MultiPlayer. I wanted to try it, but knowing that it will be some time before I will be able to play it, my PC being the equivalent of CSIRAC in comparison to what is needed to run Crysis, I decided to only give single-player a quick go, before going to play COD2/Quake3, which was running in an area adjacent to the Crysis multi-player area. Nick, having a PC that is good enough to play it, for the most part, played quite a lot of Crysis. There was a competition running every hour, in which five contestants had a match of Crysis, first to 20 kills. The winner gained the ultimate prize-a free copy of Crysis. Needless to say, the response to this was phenomenal. When the commentator spoke the words: "NOW WHO WANTS A FREE COPY OF CRYSIS?!!??!!!", 50 people simultaneously exploded, jumping, screaming, begging to be chosen to be in the running. The loudest, wildest-looking fans were chosen, and the one who displayed the most skill would be the one to take home the game. While I was playing COD2 and Quake, nick was training, seeking to gain the skills required in order to win this competition. I must say, I wished him the best, but doubted that he would be chosen over the horde of ecstatic fans who looked like they would kill for a copy. The first competition began, and ended, with disappointment.

Nick said that he would watch Team Immunity compete against "The Community" (A bunch of n00bs selected from the audience), so I decided to go and have a look at a presentation that was about to begin: "The gaming industry - What goes into it, what comes out of it."
It was actually surprisingly fascinating and informative. I learned many things which I believe will be invaluable when I go and try to break into the industry itself. I got quite a lot out of that presentation.

After that, I went and found nick, and we walked around for a little longer. Nick said he would go train at Crysis some more, and I decided to go and play Quake3.
I found that game surprisingly easy. I had never played before, but after coming first twice in a row, I had decided that either I was awesome, or everyone else was a total n00b. Someone behind me, who had been watching, asked: "Oh my god, dude, you're totally awesome! How long have you been playing Quake?!!" to which I replied: "This is my first time. How do you switch weapons?" He just looked at me. I figured it out eventually though. Once the round was over, I got off to give someone else a go, and went to look at other people's computers, to see if they were as sucky as the seemed.
I found myself shaking my head at how horrible they were. I was almost entranced by how much they sucked at the game. I was suddenly and unpleasantly broken out of this reverie by a loud, blaring voice coming out of a speaker next to my head.

"OK! THE NEXT, AND LAST CRYSIS COMPETITION IS ABOUT TO BEGIN!!! COME OVER HERE IF YOU WANT TO WIN A COPY OF CRYSIS!!!!!"

A large crowd almost instantaneously formed around the Crysis booth. I spied nick over on the far side, in the outskirts of the crowd, behind some sort of microphone-stand. Knowing nick, I sort-of doubted that he would make it into the competition, so I decided to go back to watching Quake. I heard people being chosen one by one, each time my heart sinking further as I knew Nick had not been chosen. Finally, it was announced that the contestants had been chosen, and the competition was about to begin. I decided to go and have a look, to see what was going on. I couldn't believe my eyes as I saw none-other than Nick, sitting at the furthest computer, a concentrating look on his face.

I must admit, I was quite surprised, but I couldn't keep a grin off my face. I almost ran over to where he was, standing next to the computer. He did not turn to look at me, concentrating as he was, but I knew that he had noticed I was there. I watched him play. I watched him dominate. It was really great seeing a friend of mine beat down other gamers to win something. A few times I was scared that he might suddenly trip up and lose, but after seeing him obliterate two people with one rocket, I was pretty confident that he would win, and so were the commentators. Finally, he needed three more kills to win. He was ahead by four, and it looked like the game was his. *BANG!* two to go. Before the commentator had even finished saying the sentence, it became one to go. 30 seconds later, and it was all over. Nick actively relaxed in his chair, and I breathed a sigh of relief. I glanced at my watch. 4:30. Nick was going to be late for choir, but I don't think either of use really cared at that point.

Nick gave his details to an official from the company, who said Nick would be receiving Crysis in the mail. Nick was at first disappointed that he couldn't take a copy home with him, but I pointed out that I probably wouldn't feel comfortable carrying a copy of Crysis around with me, and he agreed that neither would he.
On the walk back to Flinder's Street Station, we grabbed a drink, as after all that yelling and screaming, both of us were barely capable of speech. The train ride passed quite quickly, and as soon as it had all started, I was home.

Exhausted, I collapsed on my bed, and studied. >_<
Hehe...long post. :P

Yes...

It's that time of year again...exams are on the way, about a week away, in fact. Everyone has suddenly come to their senses about how much work they should be doing and have begun to study furiously. Well....most people anyway.
It's a time which, for some, is completely unbearable. Different people deal with exams different ways. I, for one, have never really been all that stressed about exams, even from the first one I ever had, back in year seven. It's looking around me and seeing the utter chaos that seems to be going through people's minds that I begin to wonder...am I really the one in the right here? I thought that not stressing too much would be a good thing. Don't get me wrong, I'm studying...I'm studying for about three hours per-night. But lots of other people are studying at lunchtime and recess, studying before school, studying without taking breaks. I was a little worried for them until I wondered whether that was what I should be doing...

I certainly hope it isn't, for if it is, I could be in a little-bit of trouble...
The very fact that I am posting this rather than continuing with my ITP Evaluation says something about how frantically I'm working.

But I am reasonably confident that I will go pretty well in my exams...I'm looking forward to it being over-and-done with. After exams, I will have the rest of the year to myself...well........except for Cadet-Camp, Promotions-Week and the Senior-Leadership-Course (To become a sergeant.)

Ja ne.