せいじょう - Normality

Well...
I saw the Dark Knight, and I have to say, for a western movie, it was pretty damn good.
Clocking in at just over 2 and a half hours, it was sufficiently long to create some decent characters and plotline, the acting by Heath Ledger (The dead guy) was certainly deserving of all the praise it's received, unlike SOME lead characters I could name.
To be honest, it would probably be one of my favorite movies of all time if I hadn't:

• Watched anime
• Read Manga
• Played JRPGs
• Played Phoenix Wright: Ace Attourney - Justice for All

Now, the first three were things that introduced me to the concept of awesome, subtle, in-depth storylines which have a serious emotional impact on their audience. The Dark Knight had a pretty good storyline with some decent conflict in it, but it was so unsubtle, with the voiceover REPETITIVELY going over how jesusmanbatman was willing to sacrifice his image to save people, and how he is oh so courageous, and oh so sacrificing. If they had just been a little more subtle about it, it might have been pretty good.

With Pheonix Wright, in the second game, you eventually have to make the choice between saving someone dear to you, and upholding justice and staying true to yourself. Something similar happens in The Dark Knight, but unlike in The Dark Knight, Pheonix Wright pulls off this internal conflict so excellently, nothing can ever compare.


So, in terms of how awesome the movie was, I'd say it was epically super-duper awesome. :P
In terms of how much I enjoyed it, it was very, very enjoyable, but failed to leave a lasting effect on me.

れんぞく - Continuity

Well.

It's hard not to believe in fate, sometimes.
Less than a week after I began pondering the worry over not having any real reason to live, life throws a solution in my face with about as much subtlety as a falling 500kg weight from a cartoon.

I'm playing Tsukihime, and the one of the characters asks what's the point of going to school, of getting a job, of bothering to live for no reason. The other character replies that there isn't really a reason for anyone to live - that life in itself is pretty pointless. He is asked how he deals with that, and he says that he doesn't, he simply avoids the problem.

Basically, living in ignorance is better than living in agony.

I have to say, that's pretty much the only solution and it seems pretty obvious now I've been told it.

If life is pointless, and there's nothing anyone can do about it, then the only thing to do is stoically move forward, ignoring life itself, just trying to enjoy the pointless time we have to the best of our ability.

So I suppose I'm in a slightly better overall mindset now. The reality doesn't change, but I can at least change my perception of that reality.

Well, since this isn't just an emo blog about my feelings and how depressed I am, I'll go back to talking about things I actually do - off to see The Dark Knight with my father and sister now...I've heard it's pretty good, so that should be nice. ^_^

じゃな！

Toki wo Kakeru Karuson

Well aren't I special, I can take names of movies, replace a word, and make a special title.
I do think the title in this case is quite appropriate...the last two months have been....crazy.

I can't even begin to say what's happened. Both things that are easily observable, and thoughts that now occupy my head while I'm awake, and haunt my dreams while I'm asleep.

I suppose the main thing that happened in terms of observable events is I traveled alone (the first time I've traveled alone) to Kuala Lumpur to visit Alden. I won't go into too much detail, since so much happened, but I'll say that it was one of the best things I've ever done - it was great to see Alden again, and it marked the end of a phase in my life that I can't really define in words.

The two things that I've done in terms of my thoughts are quite different. One of them seems quite legitimate, while the other is almost laughably rediculous.

The former can be summarised by the word Buddhism. I am most certainly NOT a religious person - in fact, the very concept of religion irritates me. Buddhism, however, doesn't annoy me, nor does it strike me as a religion. I would define a religion as something that forces you to accept a set of beliefs, and pressures you into participating in various ceremonies and activities. Buddhism (or at least, Therevada Buddhism) is simply a way of life, imploring you to realise the "truth" about the world. Again, I won't go into too much detail, but for those who are foreign to the concept, Buddhism states that you, or anything else for that matter, don't exist. At least, in the material sense that you think of. It also says that suffering is only the result of desire, born from ignorance about the above truth, and if you can realise the truth, you can end desire, thus ending suffering.
It states that happiness is suffering, since not only is it born from ignorance, but will result in sadness, as you realise that the happiness was only fleeting.
I'm not a Buddhist, as I have (at the moment), no intention of following the way of life on my way to Enlightenment (realising the truth about the world), but I do respect quite a bit of the Buddhist philosiphy.

It is from these ideas that my most recent internal conflict has developed.
I played Fate/Stay Night, or at least, the Fate and Unlimited Blade Works routes. (The Heaven's Feel route has yet to be translated into English. Curse my monolinguistic skills) I finally realised something. Since I've never posted the one fatal flaw in my character on either of my blogs, I won't say what that realisation was, but I will say that it resulted in one thought, that even now I think is rediculous to be having.

I realised that my life has no real purpose.

It's insane. It's like I'm having a mid-life crisis at the age of 16. But that's just the way it is, it's a thought that's been occupying my mind for the past few weeks, and I can't shake it off, no matter what I do.
I have thought of counter-arguments, such as "my life doesn't need a purpose, as long as it has meaning, which can be found in others, and the love that I can share with them", but that isn't enough. Meaning is fine, but there has to be something that can come out of it, right?

I feel like there's no point to anything I do. I go to school, so I can go to a good university, so I can get a good job. Why? So I can enjoy myself as I earn a living. What's the point of enjoying myself for no aim? What's the point of earning a living if I don't have a reason to live? (Again, the whole "other people love love etc" thing comes into my head, but this is about my own purpose. I won't have others intruding on my reasons for living)

I'm hoping that this is just a tryhard phase I'm going through, and before long I'll forget all about it and go on living my pointless life, but I can't help but be worried that I will live out the rest of my miserable days wishing that I could make something of my life, even though it is impossible.


Sigh...I was going to make this a short "catchup" post, so that I could go back to posting whenever something of note happens, but I guess that went out the window.