Music.

It was today that I realised something.
I can't function without music.

It's not as if I REALLY like it...it's a complete dependance.
I realised today it is how I have kept my sanity these past 3 years at BGS, being one of, if not THE most unpopular person in my year level. Today in Maths, was listening to my iPod, (which I do for about 90% of my time at school, for reasons unbeknowns to me until now) when Mr Barr took it off me. I don't believe it was wrong of him to do so, indeed, it was the right decision for him to make as the position of authority in the classroom. Once he took it away, the entire class began jeering and taunting me as if I had just been expelled. I instinctively reached for my iPod, too turn it up and block them out.
Upon realising that it wasn't there, I did not panic, I did not run out of the room...I didn't respond outwardly at all...except for one thing. I widened my eyes, and my mind went blank. Not just a little blank....it was like...I could see what was going on, but I couldn't proccess it. It took about 5 minutes for me to calm down, throughout that time I could hardly think. By the time class was over, I was still a little phased-out, but OK. I got my iPod back, turned it on, and started it up again. Turning the music up loud enough so that I could hear nothing else, I calmed down completely, and continued on to my next class.

It was thinking back on this that I decided that the only reason I have not broken down after being so hated for so long is through my mind blocking out things that would threaten its stability. It's as if...if I wasn't capable of blocking things out, I would be that phased-out all the time...

Does that make me insane, and music is simply staving it off?


I'm probably being pessimistic, but I'm still a little freaked-out...